the absence of life

“I have learned now that while those who speak about one’s miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more.”

C.S. Lewis

Hm… where should I begin?

Depression. What does it even mean? Does it mean sadness? I think we all experience moments of sadness in our lives but wouldn’t be diagnosed with depression. With recent high profile stories of suicide due to depression, everyone’s talking about prevention services you can reach out to. But nobody is really defining what depression is. It’s difficult to think that, people who seemingly live normal, happy, fulfilling lives but can be deeply depressed.

It’s easy to be on the outside and think, what’s there to be depressed about? Why don’t you just get help? Talk to somebody. Surely there’s a solution. Although, taking one’s own life is tragic, a part of me feels a sense a relief for those who have suffered from depression. Because they’re no longer battling their inner demons. To think that ending your life is the best option to end your suffering, means you must be suffering a great deal. Unbearable even. Maybe people don’t suicide to die, they’re simply escaping from life. “Death is not the opposite of life; nonexistence is. Death is merely a word we use to describe the process of passing from life into nonexistence.” I believe we all have a will to live, some are fortunate enough to know the reason(s) to live. But not many are willing to die either. Naturally, humans fight to survive. Even through war, famine, tragedy, we happen to manage through. But no battle is more powerful than the battle between you and your mind. Only you and you alone can convince yourself the will to live.

For anyone who tries to understand someone else’s suffering, it will almost always be limited to their own experiences. Don’t try to understand. It’s not for you to understand.


While I thought that I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die.


Though recent tragedies have many expressing their sorrows on social media, the reality is, come next week, we’ll all go back to your everyday lives. Suicide and depression no longer a table topic. I hope stories like these remind us to pay attention. Perhaps the onus isn’t on those with depression to reach out and dial 1-800-suicide, or whatever the call to action is. Maybe a part of the responsibility falls on each individual to live with more awareness and mindfulness to the people around them. Countless of articles all over the internet help you determine – 10 signs of people suffering with depression, 50 things to do if you’re depressed, and so on. To be honest, I’ve experienced loss from suicide and depression. There are signs. Although, I’m not sure if they’re subtle cries for help or simply whimpers of expressions.

Like I said before, only the individual suffering from depression can decide for themselves how to handle their struggles. Sure, you can try to help, reach out, talk about it, but in reality, there’s nothing far more true than your own beliefs. Loneliness for example, doesn’t mean there’s no one around. The factual approach says, there are 7 billion people in the world, how can you possibly be alone? Society says, you have a whole community around you, how can you possible feel lonely? Your friends and family tell you, “I’m here for you, you’re not alone”. But really, none of that fuckin’ matters. Because, there is nothing more true that how you feel. Just as depression is nothing someone who isn’t experiencing it, can determine false.

Truth: Everyone has a story. Maybe if we all start from a place of inspiring others to share their stories, we can encourage authentic conversations on the struggles in life.

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